Just a short update!
I bought my ticket home to Georgia!! WOOT! I will be back December 13th - 30th. I leave Haines on the 12th and don't get back to Haines until the 1st of January. The good note is that I'm spending New Years Eve in Juneau with Kate and Lindsey!! I can't wait to be back without a week of class and everything. It will be nice to just be with my family. I know this sounds crazy but I just keep thinking about a Christmas tree in my mom's living room, stockings hanging from the fire place and game nights with the family. I'm so excited!!! :)
I had a euthanasia every day for 3 days straight last week. Wow, that was HARD! I can handle one at a time and come out ok but 3 was tough. It took a lot of mistakes, heart aches and some good crying sessions but I'm doing much better today.
All the dogs are good. Mike is in town so I don't have Snoopy, sad but also nice to have my bathroom back! Mark and Christa are in Vegas so I have the place to myself (WOOT!!). Although I miss them dearly I'm excited to have my house to myself for a little bit.
I think I'm going to end this note with a quote (who would guess right?)
"Society teaches us that, having feelings and crying is bad and wrong. Well, that's baloney, because grief isn't wrong. There's such a thing as good grief. Just as Charlie Brown."
:)
Friday, October 30, 2009
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
These are a few of my favorite things:
A cuddly Nova
Being miles away from everyone
Fall in Alaska
Walking through the forest
A silly Sitka
A kind deed done to a stranger
Crawling into a clean bed
Silence
Getting out of the shower, feeling clean and putting on just washed clothes
Camping
The stars
Seeing wildlife in there own environment
Rescuing something that needs it
Making someone days better
A long drive down the highway
A clean house
An afternoon nap
Lounging in the sunshine
Standing on the deck of the ferry
A vigilant Konnor
Music
A good love story
Nova trying to "tell" me she "needs" something (she is doing it as I type this....a roo, roo, roo)
One of my dogs learning a new trick
Talking with my family
A cup of hot chocolate
Being able to help a friend
Reading a new, good book
Going on adventures :)
Learning something new
A busy day at work
Being miles away from everyone
Fall in Alaska
Walking through the forest
A silly Sitka
A kind deed done to a stranger
Crawling into a clean bed
Silence
Getting out of the shower, feeling clean and putting on just washed clothes
Camping
The stars
Seeing wildlife in there own environment
Rescuing something that needs it
Making someone days better
A long drive down the highway
A clean house
An afternoon nap
Lounging in the sunshine
Standing on the deck of the ferry
A vigilant Konnor
Music
A good love story
Nova trying to "tell" me she "needs" something (she is doing it as I type this....a roo, roo, roo)
One of my dogs learning a new trick
Talking with my family
A cup of hot chocolate
Being able to help a friend
Reading a new, good book
Going on adventures :)
Learning something new
A busy day at work
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Freedom
I opened a book Sarah has had on the desk for a few weeks now called "Meditations for women who do too much" by Anne Wilson Schaef. I quickly realized you are supposed to read one a day as they are dated. So I flipped to today's date and read exactly what I needed to read today...
Sisterhood, like female friendship, has at its core the affirmation of freedom. - Mary Dayl
For women to truly be friends, we have to shed the suspicious competitiveness toward one another that we have been trained into. We have to move beyond seeing other women as competitors for the "goodies". We have to be open to the possibility that because we are women we have mutual concerns and experiences that we need to share. To do this, we have to be willing to move beyond our training and education for separateness, to leap the chasm and become free to be ourselves with one another.
Once we have made the leap, we find richness and depth in our female friendships that simply is not possible with men. We find ourselves saying again and again, "I know," "I know,". It is in the "affirming our freedom" from old brainwashing that we move into friendship and sisterhood.
THOUGH I HAVE been told otherwise, I need friends who are women.
Hmmm, I seem to like quotes lately so here is one more before I depart... "If ever I had a good mind, it has been lost in the shuffle. I seem to have stagnated, and I am aware that I am not using any capacity I have to the fullest." - Anyonymous -
Sisterhood, like female friendship, has at its core the affirmation of freedom. - Mary Dayl
For women to truly be friends, we have to shed the suspicious competitiveness toward one another that we have been trained into. We have to move beyond seeing other women as competitors for the "goodies". We have to be open to the possibility that because we are women we have mutual concerns and experiences that we need to share. To do this, we have to be willing to move beyond our training and education for separateness, to leap the chasm and become free to be ourselves with one another.
Once we have made the leap, we find richness and depth in our female friendships that simply is not possible with men. We find ourselves saying again and again, "I know," "I know,". It is in the "affirming our freedom" from old brainwashing that we move into friendship and sisterhood.
THOUGH I HAVE been told otherwise, I need friends who are women.
Hmmm, I seem to like quotes lately so here is one more before I depart... "If ever I had a good mind, it has been lost in the shuffle. I seem to have stagnated, and I am aware that I am not using any capacity I have to the fullest." - Anyonymous -
Loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted is the most terrible poverty.
Hungry not only for bread - but hungry for love.
Naked not only for clothing - but naked for human dignity and respect.
Homeless not only for want of a room of bricks - but homeless because of rejection.
- Mother Teresa
There is something to be said about those people in your life who love you no matter what. No matter what you say, no matter what you do, no matter who you are they just love you and accept you. Sometimes I feel I "force" a relationship (friendship etc.) with someone and not because I feel a strong connection to them but sometimes just because there is a past, a history that connects us. However now, in the present I feel as if I'm being judged and have not risen to the impossible standards they have placed upon me. I try my best in my daily life to live a good life, to be a good friend, sister, daughter and I feel that at most times I succeed in doing so. Sometimes I fall short, but I think we all do and I try not to dwell on the instances where I have done so. Sometimes though I feel that I am a pawn in someones game and they constantly knock me down to make themselves feel better.
Then....
Then there are certain people I hold in my heart, some are thousands of miles away, some are a few houses away and some even have four legs ( :) ). These people build me up to make me the best possible person I can be. They strive along with me to help me succeed my life goals. They offer words of wisdom, praise, criticism and they celebrate along side me. They are the people I run to when my heart has shattered, tears streaming down my face for there comfort and support. These are the people that make me who I am today, these are the people that hold me together, keep me going but most of all these are the people that love and support me no matter what. Without these people I would be truly lost.
A few things people have either made me feel or said to me recently that I want to clear up:
- I am not stupid.
- My heart does sometimes break as a euthanasia tech, but I see this as a strength NOT a weakness
- My job is not always the kind of job that you leave behind at the end of the day, some days it's hard and some days it wears me down to the point where I have nothing left to give to anyone
- Sometimes I just need to talk about things going on in my life, please listen. I try to listen when you talk to me about whats going on in your life. Please don't turn it around to be about you, again.
Thanks for reading, this post has made it so that I can go to bed without a heavy heart weighing me down. One final quote from Mother Teresa before I crawl into bed:
Life is an opportunity, benefit from it.
Life is beauty, admire it.
Life is bliss, taste it.
Life is a dream, realize it.
Life is a challenge, meet it.
Life is a duty, complete it.
Life is a game, play it.
Life is a promise, fulfill it.
Life is sorrow, overcome it.
Life is a song, sing it.
Life is a struggle, accept it.
Life is a tragedy, confront it.
Life is an adventure, dare it.
Life is luck, make it.
Life is too precious, do not destroy it.
Life is life, fight for it.
Naked not only for clothing - but naked for human dignity and respect.
Homeless not only for want of a room of bricks - but homeless because of rejection.
- Mother Teresa
There is something to be said about those people in your life who love you no matter what. No matter what you say, no matter what you do, no matter who you are they just love you and accept you. Sometimes I feel I "force" a relationship (friendship etc.) with someone and not because I feel a strong connection to them but sometimes just because there is a past, a history that connects us. However now, in the present I feel as if I'm being judged and have not risen to the impossible standards they have placed upon me. I try my best in my daily life to live a good life, to be a good friend, sister, daughter and I feel that at most times I succeed in doing so. Sometimes I fall short, but I think we all do and I try not to dwell on the instances where I have done so. Sometimes though I feel that I am a pawn in someones game and they constantly knock me down to make themselves feel better.
Then....
Then there are certain people I hold in my heart, some are thousands of miles away, some are a few houses away and some even have four legs ( :) ). These people build me up to make me the best possible person I can be. They strive along with me to help me succeed my life goals. They offer words of wisdom, praise, criticism and they celebrate along side me. They are the people I run to when my heart has shattered, tears streaming down my face for there comfort and support. These are the people that make me who I am today, these are the people that hold me together, keep me going but most of all these are the people that love and support me no matter what. Without these people I would be truly lost.
A few things people have either made me feel or said to me recently that I want to clear up:
- I am not stupid.
- My heart does sometimes break as a euthanasia tech, but I see this as a strength NOT a weakness
- My job is not always the kind of job that you leave behind at the end of the day, some days it's hard and some days it wears me down to the point where I have nothing left to give to anyone
- Sometimes I just need to talk about things going on in my life, please listen. I try to listen when you talk to me about whats going on in your life. Please don't turn it around to be about you, again.
Thanks for reading, this post has made it so that I can go to bed without a heavy heart weighing me down. One final quote from Mother Teresa before I crawl into bed:
Life is an opportunity, benefit from it.
Life is beauty, admire it.
Life is bliss, taste it.
Life is a dream, realize it.
Life is a challenge, meet it.
Life is a duty, complete it.
Life is a game, play it.
Life is a promise, fulfill it.
Life is sorrow, overcome it.
Life is a song, sing it.
Life is a struggle, accept it.
Life is a tragedy, confront it.
Life is an adventure, dare it.
Life is luck, make it.
Life is too precious, do not destroy it.
Life is life, fight for it.
Monday, September 28, 2009
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
9/23
There are dates that you will always remember and dates that your not sure you will ever forget. 9/23 is one of those dates for me...
9/23: Mufasa goes outside to potty
9/23: Mufasa goes for a ride in the car
9/23: Mufasa gets blood work
9/23: Dear Volunteers, I regret to inform you that today Mufasa was euthanized...
9/23, the day when a dog who didn't deserve the life we has was forced to live was finally laid to rest. 9/23, the day my heart broke as I told him goodbye.....
Back Story: Mufasa is a border collie mix that was involved in an animal cruelty case, my very first animal cruelty case. The court case was drug out for months and finally ended with the agreement that the charges would be dropped and Mufasa would become legally ours. Mu' is an aggressive dog. He bites strangers and only really likes one person, and that person is me. He would let me do anything to him I wanted without so much as a fuss. When we gained custody of him we started searching for sanctuaries that would take him so that he would get to live the rest of his life in comfort. We found a sanctuary and they even bumped our guy higher on there waiting list! It seemed that for once in these sad dog's life was turning around.
We started to notice the change slowly. He seemed to age years in his face and he began to drop weight. We could never get him to have solid stool no matter what we did and slowly he became less active and more subdued. We made an appointment with the vet here who took a look at him and told us "boy he is really sick". She drew blood and felt him all over. The results came back and they weren't good. By piecing together his other symptoms and his blood work her guess was either lymphoma in stomach or some kind of cancer. The decision was made to euthanize this boy because he was so sick and in our hearts of heart we knew it was right. That didn't stop ours hearts from breaking or us from crying. For 9 months we cared for this dog and for 9 months he held a little place in our heart. He may have not been a perfect dog but it didn't matter, he was our dog.
I can't imagine walking into the kennels and not seeing you. I can't imagine not letting you out to play. I can't imagine my daily life with out you and tomorrow when I go in to clean your kennel, wash your physical memory from the walls I hope you know that you are far from being forgotten. You may have not loved everyone, but I believe you loved me. I hope that in the few months I knew you I was able to show you that people are worth the love that you gave them. I hope that there is a "rainbow bridge" and that you are up there right now playing happily. I hope that when I come up to join you, you will be waiting for me like I will be looking for you.
Rest in peace sweet boy, your memory lives on.
9/23: Mufasa goes outside to potty
9/23: Mufasa goes for a ride in the car
9/23: Mufasa gets blood work
9/23: Dear Volunteers, I regret to inform you that today Mufasa was euthanized...
9/23, the day when a dog who didn't deserve the life we has was forced to live was finally laid to rest. 9/23, the day my heart broke as I told him goodbye.....
Back Story: Mufasa is a border collie mix that was involved in an animal cruelty case, my very first animal cruelty case. The court case was drug out for months and finally ended with the agreement that the charges would be dropped and Mufasa would become legally ours. Mu' is an aggressive dog. He bites strangers and only really likes one person, and that person is me. He would let me do anything to him I wanted without so much as a fuss. When we gained custody of him we started searching for sanctuaries that would take him so that he would get to live the rest of his life in comfort. We found a sanctuary and they even bumped our guy higher on there waiting list! It seemed that for once in these sad dog's life was turning around.
We started to notice the change slowly. He seemed to age years in his face and he began to drop weight. We could never get him to have solid stool no matter what we did and slowly he became less active and more subdued. We made an appointment with the vet here who took a look at him and told us "boy he is really sick". She drew blood and felt him all over. The results came back and they weren't good. By piecing together his other symptoms and his blood work her guess was either lymphoma in stomach or some kind of cancer. The decision was made to euthanize this boy because he was so sick and in our hearts of heart we knew it was right. That didn't stop ours hearts from breaking or us from crying. For 9 months we cared for this dog and for 9 months he held a little place in our heart. He may have not been a perfect dog but it didn't matter, he was our dog.
Mufasa and I a couple of months ago
I can't imagine walking into the kennels and not seeing you. I can't imagine not letting you out to play. I can't imagine my daily life with out you and tomorrow when I go in to clean your kennel, wash your physical memory from the walls I hope you know that you are far from being forgotten. You may have not loved everyone, but I believe you loved me. I hope that in the few months I knew you I was able to show you that people are worth the love that you gave them. I hope that there is a "rainbow bridge" and that you are up there right now playing happily. I hope that when I come up to join you, you will be waiting for me like I will be looking for you.
Rest in peace sweet boy, your memory lives on.
Friday, September 18, 2009
Monday, August 24, 2009
A berry good time (ok I couldn't resist!)
I don't think anyone reads these any more, but I enjoy writing so here it goes!!
Today Mark, Christa, Justin, Sitka, Konnor, Curley and I went berry picking up past Mosquito Lake (we were probably about 30 miles from town, if not further). We went down this old logging road, up a big mountain and walked into the middle of the forest to find good Blue Berries. The dogs had a blast because of course this is a "no leash" zone so they got to run around without any leashes and just be dogs. I'm so proud of the dogs my pups have turned out to be. To be able to let them off leash in a forest full of good smells and not have them run off is amazing! Nova could have come too but we didn't have room in my SUV for that many dogs AND people and since she is 1. Old and doesn't feel well any more and 2. Barks/whines in the car she had to stay at home :( ... poor girl! I will do a special trip with her tomorrow though. Oh! I almost forgot to tell you!!! Sitka loves Cherries, this is something we have known about her for awhile now (they are her FAVORITE treat) well today we found out she also LOVES blue berries. In fact, she loves them so much she will pick them straight off the bush! It's amazing to watch, she sticks her tongue out and test the leaves, branch and berries to find out what is berries and what isn't, then she takes her front teeth and pulls the berry (and only the berry) off the bush! It was fascinating to watch her do this.
The only downside to berry picking today was that it has been raining for the past 2 weeks so it was really, really wet! Everyone had rain gear but me, I thought I would be ok but it was REALLY cold. At one point I swore to myself I would never go berry picking again...lol. I know that's not true though because I did have a good time! Next time though I will wear more layers or rain pants so that I don't freeze to death. I got a couple pictures of the dogs on my cell phone. Sitka is a hard dog to get good pictures of but I think a few of these turned out really nice. If you notice both Konnor and Sitka has bells around there neck, it's so that they don't run up and surprise a bear.
Anyways! On to the pictures!
This last picture is of Konnor. I got so cold (we were out picking for probably 3 or so hours) I finally sat on the ground to help hold my body heat in. It was amazing how much warmer I got once my body had help keeping itself warm. Well I was sitting and picking so Konnor came over and curled up next to me. He fell asleep for awhile but I just thought he was so cute, he is such a momma's boy! The blue thing in the picture is my leg, if you look on the bush to Konnor's left you will see blue berries on it. Isn't' that cool!
Today Mark, Christa, Justin, Sitka, Konnor, Curley and I went berry picking up past Mosquito Lake (we were probably about 30 miles from town, if not further). We went down this old logging road, up a big mountain and walked into the middle of the forest to find good Blue Berries. The dogs had a blast because of course this is a "no leash" zone so they got to run around without any leashes and just be dogs. I'm so proud of the dogs my pups have turned out to be. To be able to let them off leash in a forest full of good smells and not have them run off is amazing! Nova could have come too but we didn't have room in my SUV for that many dogs AND people and since she is 1. Old and doesn't feel well any more and 2. Barks/whines in the car she had to stay at home :( ... poor girl! I will do a special trip with her tomorrow though. Oh! I almost forgot to tell you!!! Sitka loves Cherries, this is something we have known about her for awhile now (they are her FAVORITE treat) well today we found out she also LOVES blue berries. In fact, she loves them so much she will pick them straight off the bush! It's amazing to watch, she sticks her tongue out and test the leaves, branch and berries to find out what is berries and what isn't, then she takes her front teeth and pulls the berry (and only the berry) off the bush! It was fascinating to watch her do this.
The only downside to berry picking today was that it has been raining for the past 2 weeks so it was really, really wet! Everyone had rain gear but me, I thought I would be ok but it was REALLY cold. At one point I swore to myself I would never go berry picking again...lol. I know that's not true though because I did have a good time! Next time though I will wear more layers or rain pants so that I don't freeze to death. I got a couple pictures of the dogs on my cell phone. Sitka is a hard dog to get good pictures of but I think a few of these turned out really nice. If you notice both Konnor and Sitka has bells around there neck, it's so that they don't run up and surprise a bear.
Anyways! On to the pictures!
This last picture is of Konnor. I got so cold (we were out picking for probably 3 or so hours) I finally sat on the ground to help hold my body heat in. It was amazing how much warmer I got once my body had help keeping itself warm. Well I was sitting and picking so Konnor came over and curled up next to me. He fell asleep for awhile but I just thought he was so cute, he is such a momma's boy! The blue thing in the picture is my leg, if you look on the bush to Konnor's left you will see blue berries on it. Isn't' that cool!
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Little Girls <3
Does it get much more perfect than this??
That little girl is my niece. Isn't she cute? LOL! It's so weird to think that in a just a few months there will be a little one running around and my sister will be a mom! Now that is just CRAZY! Danielle and I were just talking about how you know someone for so long as one thing, such as my sister as my sister, that it's weird to think of her as a mom, or even as my mother's daughter because to me she has been nothing but my sister. Does this make sense? LOL. I'm so excited!!!! I can't wait for this little one to make an appearance! Why does pregnancy have to take so long? LOL!!!
That little girl is my niece. Isn't she cute? LOL! It's so weird to think that in a just a few months there will be a little one running around and my sister will be a mom! Now that is just CRAZY! Danielle and I were just talking about how you know someone for so long as one thing, such as my sister as my sister, that it's weird to think of her as a mom, or even as my mother's daughter because to me she has been nothing but my sister. Does this make sense? LOL. I'm so excited!!!! I can't wait for this little one to make an appearance! Why does pregnancy have to take so long? LOL!!!
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Two days of fun!
Sometimes loving to much is a fault. A big fault. It can stop you from spending time with other people besides the "person" or "thing" you love for fear of missing what you love. It can stop you from having fun, exciting adventures....just ask Konnor
This picture is of Konnor, his "chuck it" and his beloved tennis ball. I told him to "leave it" and we started to walk away into the middle of a river bed. He followed along beside me for awhile, always glancing over his shoulder at it. Eventually he started to fall behind and then, when he couldn't stand it anymore, he slowly walked away, head down, tail between his legs back to his beloved ball. I watched him as he turned around and walked away from his "pack". It was clear that he was torn between us and what he really wanted. Eventually the ball won out and when it was all said and done he layed down at the feet of his beloved ball, unable to move on without it. Silly thing love is.
The picture of Konnor and his ball was taken down the highway at 26 mile. While down there Danielle and I ran into our friend Josh and his littler brother. He told me that if I gave him a ride home he would let me play with Lynx kittens! Who can pass that up?
We each got to hold one for awhile, they are very silly little things! While we were cautioned to be careful of there sharp claws and teeth there human family never rushed us to put them back and we got a fun experience to hold and play with them. What cuties and it was a once in a life time experience!!
I also went boating and subsistence fishing this week which was a lot of fun!
2 pics from that:
I'm sure you are asking yourself after looking at those pics......who is that fine looking, very handsome.......dog? That's Snoopy :)
It was so much fun! While I helped by driving the boat a little bit I do fear that I wasn't much help getting the fish in the boat and I think that may be the only time Mike takes me out! LOL, but it was a LOT of fun while it lasted!! We also went over and looked at a really cool water fall. It was amazing to be so close to it and watch it pour itself into the ocean.
Well thats all folks! Keep reading, I promise to write more!
This picture is of Konnor, his "chuck it" and his beloved tennis ball. I told him to "leave it" and we started to walk away into the middle of a river bed. He followed along beside me for awhile, always glancing over his shoulder at it. Eventually he started to fall behind and then, when he couldn't stand it anymore, he slowly walked away, head down, tail between his legs back to his beloved ball. I watched him as he turned around and walked away from his "pack". It was clear that he was torn between us and what he really wanted. Eventually the ball won out and when it was all said and done he layed down at the feet of his beloved ball, unable to move on without it. Silly thing love is.
The picture of Konnor and his ball was taken down the highway at 26 mile. While down there Danielle and I ran into our friend Josh and his littler brother. He told me that if I gave him a ride home he would let me play with Lynx kittens! Who can pass that up?
We each got to hold one for awhile, they are very silly little things! While we were cautioned to be careful of there sharp claws and teeth there human family never rushed us to put them back and we got a fun experience to hold and play with them. What cuties and it was a once in a life time experience!!
I also went boating and subsistence fishing this week which was a lot of fun!
2 pics from that:
I'm sure you are asking yourself after looking at those pics......who is that fine looking, very handsome.......dog? That's Snoopy :)
It was so much fun! While I helped by driving the boat a little bit I do fear that I wasn't much help getting the fish in the boat and I think that may be the only time Mike takes me out! LOL, but it was a LOT of fun while it lasted!! We also went over and looked at a really cool water fall. It was amazing to be so close to it and watch it pour itself into the ocean.
Well thats all folks! Keep reading, I promise to write more!
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Fail
Blah, kinda mood I'm in today and I havn't blogged recently so I thought I would throw this guy up.
Saturday, July 11, 2009
10 Reasons why I love my Honda Civic
1. It was my first car :)
2. It brought me, my three dogs, my friend Kate and all my worldly positions from Atlanta Georgia to Haines Alaska
3. It was a pretty blueish/greenish color, very important to a girl in her 20's :)
4. It was very reliable....besides that small, minor, transmission problem ;)
5. Even though it was only front wheel drive it got me around a winter in Alaska without chains or studded tires!! Now that is a car!!
6. All the times we drove the poor beast out of town 10 - 30 miles just for a fun trip
7. Having to explain to everyone before they get in my car that 1. It smells strongly of dog and 2. it has transmission problems and tends to shake, seem like its going to stall out and over reves more often than not...oh did I mention it HATES going more than 35 miles an hour?
8. The time Mark got in it all wasted and yelled "OMG! Your car smells like dog and cat!!" me "I've never had a cat in the car" Mark "It's just a hint of it"...lmao!
9. The fact that it made it and continued to run up until 2 days before I am scheduled to get a new car :)
and....drum roll please.....
10. Because it was a little piece of home that I brought with me. See, "Betsy" was a car that my mom spent her hard earned money on and bought me so that I would have a car to get around town in. She allowed me to drive it up to Alaska and allowed me to take the car in as my own without ever reminding me that she was in fact the one who owned it. When it came time for me to get a new car she supported me 100% in trading in Betsy to get a new one and she never once asked for me to return the money she had spent on the car. Betsy was a tie between her and I, a tangible symbol of her love for me and a little piece of my mom I brought along on my journey through life.
Oh How I love thee Betsy! A few pics to remember our good times...
Sitka on the way to Haines Alaska
Konnor and Nova in the back seat
Happy Nova
Betsy got burried in the winter snow so Lori, Christ and I had to dig her out :)
When I first moved up here I got this bumper sticker from Lori <3
2. It brought me, my three dogs, my friend Kate and all my worldly positions from Atlanta Georgia to Haines Alaska
3. It was a pretty blueish/greenish color, very important to a girl in her 20's :)
4. It was very reliable....besides that small, minor, transmission problem ;)
5. Even though it was only front wheel drive it got me around a winter in Alaska without chains or studded tires!! Now that is a car!!
6. All the times we drove the poor beast out of town 10 - 30 miles just for a fun trip
7. Having to explain to everyone before they get in my car that 1. It smells strongly of dog and 2. it has transmission problems and tends to shake, seem like its going to stall out and over reves more often than not...oh did I mention it HATES going more than 35 miles an hour?
8. The time Mark got in it all wasted and yelled "OMG! Your car smells like dog and cat!!" me "I've never had a cat in the car" Mark "It's just a hint of it"...lmao!
9. The fact that it made it and continued to run up until 2 days before I am scheduled to get a new car :)
and....drum roll please.....
10. Because it was a little piece of home that I brought with me. See, "Betsy" was a car that my mom spent her hard earned money on and bought me so that I would have a car to get around town in. She allowed me to drive it up to Alaska and allowed me to take the car in as my own without ever reminding me that she was in fact the one who owned it. When it came time for me to get a new car she supported me 100% in trading in Betsy to get a new one and she never once asked for me to return the money she had spent on the car. Betsy was a tie between her and I, a tangible symbol of her love for me and a little piece of my mom I brought along on my journey through life.
Oh How I love thee Betsy! A few pics to remember our good times...
Sitka on the way to Haines Alaska
Konnor and Nova in the back seat
Happy Nova
Betsy got burried in the winter snow so Lori, Christ and I had to dig her out :)
When I first moved up here I got this bumper sticker from Lori <3
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
The ABC's of Ashley Rea
(copied from Kate Maxwell! Heck yea :) )
My hope is to fill out this list about myself right now and re-do this list every now and then and watch as it changes :)
A - Animal Control Officer
B- Beautiful
C - Coping
D - Dog lover
E - Eccentric
F - Far away
G - GSD fan
H - Helper
I - Intellegent
J - Jabroni (according to Ken)
K - Karaoke fool
L- Limping
M- Mom
N- Nemophilist
O- Observer
P- Proud
Q- Quailman
R- Rea
S- Secretive
T- Tempermental
U- Utterly Irresistable (ok, I couldn't think of anything :) )
V- Vodka Cranberry :)
W- Waiting
X- xenodocheionology (it's true! :) )
Y- yeuk (damn Mosquitos!)
Z- zaftig (and proud of it!)
My hope is to fill out this list about myself right now and re-do this list every now and then and watch as it changes :)
A - Animal Control Officer
B- Beautiful
C - Coping
D - Dog lover
E - Eccentric
F - Far away
G - GSD fan
H - Helper
I - Intellegent
J - Jabroni (according to Ken)
K - Karaoke fool
L- Limping
M- Mom
N- Nemophilist
O- Observer
P- Proud
Q- Quailman
R- Rea
S- Secretive
T- Tempermental
U- Utterly Irresistable (ok, I couldn't think of anything :) )
V- Vodka Cranberry :)
W- Waiting
X- xenodocheionology (it's true! :) )
Y- yeuk (damn Mosquitos!)
Z- zaftig (and proud of it!)
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Wrong day, wrong time?
I found out today I was given the wrong information and TODAY, June 21st is the Summer Solstice. Oh well!
I'm trying to write lyrics to my friend Josh's guitar playing. Wish me good luck! When I get them done I will post them :)
Have a good Solstice and I hope everyone wished there dads a happy fathers day!
I'm trying to write lyrics to my friend Josh's guitar playing. Wish me good luck! When I get them done I will post them :)
Have a good Solstice and I hope everyone wished there dads a happy fathers day!
Sea Otters, Sea Breezes and the Summer Solstice
Tonight, the night of the summer solstice, the longest day of the year and I found myself alone on the Airplane dock in the small boat harbor from midnight till 1:20am. The ocean, which in my opinion is normally calm, provided me this evening with slow, gentle rolling waves that came and swayed the dock. Two sea otters decided I was an oddly amusing toy and would poke there heads out at me every once and awhile and breath out air fast through these nose. I found if I imitated this sound they would lift there little heads a little higher out of the water to peer at me, then duck under the dock and within seconds I would hear air whoosing out of there noses right below me. I must have checked out ok to them because eventually the more I "talked" to them the braver they got and they even began using there small curious feet to pull themselves up so that there little eyes could peek at me over the edge of the dock. After awhile of getting used to each other they even got so bold as to waddle there little bodies up the ramp that lead directly from the ocean to the dock. They left me after twenty minutes of playing for I'm sure a much more amusing toy.
I spent the next hour standing or sitting near the edge of the dock. The waves gently swayed, the sun never truly set and I sat there over looking the town of Haines with the towering snow caped mountains in the background. As odd as it may sound, I couldn't shake the feeling that this was New Years Eve. I don't know why, maybe it's because it was the summer solstice and that means the end of our long summer days and a slow turning back of time so that soon our days will consist of only 4 to 5 hours of sunlight. Or maybe it was because out there on that quite dock with a gentle sea breeze blowing, the dock swaying and sea otters playing I was able to truly think about my life right now, where it is heading and what I plan to do with it. It was peacful time of reflecting and I left there with a sense of knowing myself better.
Standing on that dock, my hair blowing in the breeze, my lungs breathing in the sea air and my eyes beholding the town I now call home I found myself saying "This, this moment, this place, these people, these times are the reasons I live and love Alaska. The reason I can not live happily any place else. This is as good as it gets and I am beyond blessed to be here right now."
I spent the next hour standing or sitting near the edge of the dock. The waves gently swayed, the sun never truly set and I sat there over looking the town of Haines with the towering snow caped mountains in the background. As odd as it may sound, I couldn't shake the feeling that this was New Years Eve. I don't know why, maybe it's because it was the summer solstice and that means the end of our long summer days and a slow turning back of time so that soon our days will consist of only 4 to 5 hours of sunlight. Or maybe it was because out there on that quite dock with a gentle sea breeze blowing, the dock swaying and sea otters playing I was able to truly think about my life right now, where it is heading and what I plan to do with it. It was peacful time of reflecting and I left there with a sense of knowing myself better.
Standing on that dock, my hair blowing in the breeze, my lungs breathing in the sea air and my eyes beholding the town I now call home I found myself saying "This, this moment, this place, these people, these times are the reasons I live and love Alaska. The reason I can not live happily any place else. This is as good as it gets and I am beyond blessed to be here right now."
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Where oh where has my journal gone, oh where oh where could it be?
So I went to write in my personal journal tonight, you know deep meaningful things like why the sun rises and sets or maybe about why the sky is blue..ok just kidding, but seriously. I had just gotten done cleaning my room, which looks amazing BTW, and decided I would sit down and write a nice long entry when, alas, it has gone missing. See, my mom was wrong. She used to tell me when I was little "Clean your room or you will never find anything!" the real problem is....in a clean room I can't find anything but I can tell you the exact location of my journal when my room was dirty; on the floor, in front of my dresser under my work pants. Now though my room is dust free, as dog hair free as it will ever be and now missing a journal. The real lesson of the story today is....don't listen to your mom kids. ;)
So there is a big King Salmon feed tomorrow and I am obligated to go to it now because my boss is helping host it. It actually sounds like a a lot of fun and I'm kinda excited. In the evening the P. Bar is hosting the band Swing Set and I'm hoping to go swing dancing again! Whoot! I'm trying to be good a save my money so my goal is to not eat out and not buy any alcohol for the next month. The not eating out will be the easy part....lol!
I thought I would also share some pics of the little kittens I have been bottle feeding. They are just about the cutest things you will ever see in your entire life!
This first one is a picture of Smokey and Mark.... Look how little he is!
This one is a picture of Puma <3
So there is a big King Salmon feed tomorrow and I am obligated to go to it now because my boss is helping host it. It actually sounds like a a lot of fun and I'm kinda excited. In the evening the P. Bar is hosting the band Swing Set and I'm hoping to go swing dancing again! Whoot! I'm trying to be good a save my money so my goal is to not eat out and not buy any alcohol for the next month. The not eating out will be the easy part....lol!
I thought I would also share some pics of the little kittens I have been bottle feeding. They are just about the cutest things you will ever see in your entire life!
This first one is a picture of Smokey and Mark.... Look how little he is!
This one is a picture of Puma <3
Alright, this is probably the most boring blog entry I have ever made because this is the kind of rambling I write in my journal, not my blog. I blame my mother for this ;)
j/k....love you mom
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Life is like a scrabble board
I've learned in the past few weeks that like a Scrabble board life can be challenging, full of fun and a little bit dirty depending on who you are playing.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Pieces of me
I think I got asked a million times last night by a million different people if I was "ok".....
How do I answer that?
Do I tell them what they want to hear....
Yea, I was just tired
or the truth......
I haven't been ok since Wednesday.
Who can handle the truth? More importantly though, Who can I trust with the truth?
Who won't think I'm crazy when I tell them I had to leave, I couldn't pretend to be ok one more minute, I couldn't fake one more smile, one more laugh, one more "yea this is great". Who can I tell that I needed to just fall apart in order to put myself back together?
Who would understand?
No one but him.
I think that's why I got into my car with the determination to go home but instead I headed out the highway in a blur. I drove 22 miles before I realized I wasn't in town any more and another 11 before I realized why I was taking myself out here.
But I couldn't bring myself to knock. To show up a wreck, searching for some kind of answer that I knew he couldn't provide. So instead I did a U-turn and drove myself home.
I think I just needed to remind myself I wasn't alone in this, that his heart knew this kind of pain long before mine did, that I did this to protect him from it any longer.
So I guess if the question of the day is...am I ok?
The answer to that is, yes.
Just be careful with me, I'm hurting and raw. I'm still picking up the pieces of me. I'm still learning how to cope, just be nice to me for a little while, I need you more now than ever.
How do I answer that?
Do I tell them what they want to hear....
Yea, I was just tired
or the truth......
I haven't been ok since Wednesday.
Who can handle the truth? More importantly though, Who can I trust with the truth?
Who won't think I'm crazy when I tell them I had to leave, I couldn't pretend to be ok one more minute, I couldn't fake one more smile, one more laugh, one more "yea this is great". Who can I tell that I needed to just fall apart in order to put myself back together?
Who would understand?
No one but him.
I think that's why I got into my car with the determination to go home but instead I headed out the highway in a blur. I drove 22 miles before I realized I wasn't in town any more and another 11 before I realized why I was taking myself out here.
But I couldn't bring myself to knock. To show up a wreck, searching for some kind of answer that I knew he couldn't provide. So instead I did a U-turn and drove myself home.
I think I just needed to remind myself I wasn't alone in this, that his heart knew this kind of pain long before mine did, that I did this to protect him from it any longer.
So I guess if the question of the day is...am I ok?
The answer to that is, yes.
Just be careful with me, I'm hurting and raw. I'm still picking up the pieces of me. I'm still learning how to cope, just be nice to me for a little while, I need you more now than ever.
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Amor vincit omnia
It's funny isn't it? How you can love someone so much you can't imagine your life without them. That someone can be a friend, a boyfriend, a family member and, as in my case, a dog. This past week as I drove Nova for an emergency vet trip to Whitehorse Canada I tried to imagine my life with out her. The house would be less crowded, food could be left unattended on the counters and I wouldn't have to worry constantly about what mischievous Nova is up to. As the thoughts of some incurable disease crossed my mind I couldn't help but think back to the past 6 years I've had this crazy mutt in my life and I just couldn't do it, I just couldn't imagine my live without her. I couldn't imagine waking up and only letting Konnor and Sitka out, I couldn't imagine never seeing her potty dance again or never falling asleep to the sound of her soft snoring. Of course, because Nova is a drama queen, the only thing wrong with my "dieing" dog was infected anal glands. She is now back to her old, horrible ;) self. At my birthday party she stole 2 chocolate covered graham crackers from a table inside while we all stepped outside for just a minute. She recently jumped over the back of the couch only to land on top of Christa who was napping. While I do have to say it would be nice if all of her bad habits didn't exist when it boils down to it I simply love that dog and her crazy ways.
Amor vincit omnia, Love Conquers All
Saturday, May 9, 2009
For Lori
You know what I love? When it hits Midnight and laying in the bed by herself just isn't enough for Nova. She will spend all day spread out over the covers enjoying every moment of solitude but once it comes a certain time at night she feels I should be sleeping also and instead of laying in our soft bed she lays curled up at my feet as I type this. It has inspired me to make a list of 10 things I love
1. Stepping outside and smelling the sea
2. That really clean feeling you get right after a shower
3. A crazy afternoon with Sarah, she is probably one of the funnest people I know!
4. A clean house
5. Watching Sitka look out the window
6. Sitting around and talking with friends
7. I love, love, love jogging. I need to get in better shape so I can do it more
8. Talking to my sister
9. Surprise phone calls from people who I used to spend every day with
10. Driving with the windows down, a good song playing and that feeling of getting away from everything
I've gotten in the habit of sitting my room on my computer for awhile before I go to bed. It's my time to de-stress and clear my mind and I've been finding more and more just how much I truly enjoy these moments of solitude and clarity. It's the one time of day I don't have to be doing something or going somewhere. It seems like life has been getting busier and busier, it's nice sometimes to just sit back and enjoy a few moments by myself.
1. Stepping outside and smelling the sea
2. That really clean feeling you get right after a shower
3. A crazy afternoon with Sarah, she is probably one of the funnest people I know!
4. A clean house
5. Watching Sitka look out the window
6. Sitting around and talking with friends
7. I love, love, love jogging. I need to get in better shape so I can do it more
8. Talking to my sister
9. Surprise phone calls from people who I used to spend every day with
10. Driving with the windows down, a good song playing and that feeling of getting away from everything
I've gotten in the habit of sitting my room on my computer for awhile before I go to bed. It's my time to de-stress and clear my mind and I've been finding more and more just how much I truly enjoy these moments of solitude and clarity. It's the one time of day I don't have to be doing something or going somewhere. It seems like life has been getting busier and busier, it's nice sometimes to just sit back and enjoy a few moments by myself.
Friday, May 8, 2009
Lindsey
Lindsey told me that I should worry about someone blog stalking me.....
Is that person you?
Creepy.
;)
.....pointless, I know
Is that person you?
Creepy.
;)
.....pointless, I know
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Tragedy
One boy hiked from what I understand miles to get to the nearest house. He was soaking wet, tired and cold but alive. By the time the search and rescue boats got out to where the canoe had capsized it was to late for the other 2 boys.
Can you imagine loosing sons?
High school aged Sons?
My thoughts and prayers go out to the friends, family and community members affected by this tragedy. I am extremely sorry for your losses.
:(
Can you imagine loosing sons?
High school aged Sons?
My thoughts and prayers go out to the friends, family and community members affected by this tragedy. I am extremely sorry for your losses.
:(
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Living in a town that depends on the Sea
When you step outside of your house a sea breeze hits you. You look down towards the ocean and see the waves crashing on the shore, whales breaching in the distance and boats speeding in and out of the harbor.
Earlier tonight the town gathered at the Presbyterian Church for Choir. The people begin to sing praise songs when, from the back of the church, they hear the scratchy sound of a voice over a radio. "3 boys were canoeing on Taiyasanka (Pronounced Ty-Sink-E) Harbor, there boat has capsized and they are lost at sea. All units respond."Away he runs with only confusion left in the air.
Across town Lindsey, Ken and I are sitting in Lindsey's living room. Lori calls me and says "I have the scariest thing to tell you. Remember where we kayaked the other day, you know, Taiyasanka Harbor? Well 3 boys were canoeing there today and there boat capsized. I think 2 have been found but from what I understand one is still lost at Sea. Are you with Lindsey? Tell her they are either students or former students of hers"
Tonight I walk out of Lindsey's house to tie Kazi out and a sea breeze hits me. I can't help but look at the waves crashing on the shore and hope by chance those waves bring all 3 boys home safe. It's funny how the world spins and brings us all together. It's funny how on one day Lori and I can have the time of our life in the Taiyasanka harbor but in that same harbor only days later 3 boys lives hang in the balance of a Search and Rescue Team.
Earlier tonight the town gathered at the Presbyterian Church for Choir. The people begin to sing praise songs when, from the back of the church, they hear the scratchy sound of a voice over a radio. "3 boys were canoeing on Taiyasanka (Pronounced Ty-Sink-E) Harbor, there boat has capsized and they are lost at sea. All units respond."Away he runs with only confusion left in the air.
Across town Lindsey, Ken and I are sitting in Lindsey's living room. Lori calls me and says "I have the scariest thing to tell you. Remember where we kayaked the other day, you know, Taiyasanka Harbor? Well 3 boys were canoeing there today and there boat capsized. I think 2 have been found but from what I understand one is still lost at Sea. Are you with Lindsey? Tell her they are either students or former students of hers"
Tonight I walk out of Lindsey's house to tie Kazi out and a sea breeze hits me. I can't help but look at the waves crashing on the shore and hope by chance those waves bring all 3 boys home safe. It's funny how the world spins and brings us all together. It's funny how on one day Lori and I can have the time of our life in the Taiyasanka harbor but in that same harbor only days later 3 boys lives hang in the balance of a Search and Rescue Team.
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Somewhere in Haines...
Somewhere in Haines Cinder lived
A heart so big, all his love he would give
Somewhere in Haines a family grows
4 furry feet, a cold wet nose
Somewhere in Haines Cinder grew
The more they taught, the more he knew
Somewhere in Haines Cinder grew old
Bones so frail, bones so cold
Somewhere in Haines a family’s crying
A loved one lost, a loved one dyeing
Somewhere in Haines hearts are breaking
No longer willing, no longer faking
Somewhere in Haines a great life is gone
A furry nose, a loving tongue
Somewhere in Haines a family remembers
A loving pet, a family member
Somewhere in Haines Cinder played
A heart so big, a heart he gave
RIP Cinder, you will always be remember in the memories of those who loved you and you will live on in the lives of the people you saved doing Search and Rescue work. You were an amazing, loving and sweet dog. May you know how much you were loved and will be missed.
Tonight I light a candle in your memory, may it guide you to the place in Heaven reserved just for you.
Thank you for letting me be there in your final moments. My prayers and love will be with your family during this time.
A heart so big, all his love he would give
Somewhere in Haines a family grows
4 furry feet, a cold wet nose
Somewhere in Haines Cinder grew
The more they taught, the more he knew
Somewhere in Haines Cinder grew old
Bones so frail, bones so cold
Somewhere in Haines a family’s crying
A loved one lost, a loved one dyeing
Somewhere in Haines hearts are breaking
No longer willing, no longer faking
Somewhere in Haines a great life is gone
A furry nose, a loving tongue
Somewhere in Haines a family remembers
A loving pet, a family member
Somewhere in Haines Cinder played
A heart so big, a heart he gave
RIP Cinder, you will always be remember in the memories of those who loved you and you will live on in the lives of the people you saved doing Search and Rescue work. You were an amazing, loving and sweet dog. May you know how much you were loved and will be missed.
Tonight I light a candle in your memory, may it guide you to the place in Heaven reserved just for you.
Thank you for letting me be there in your final moments. My prayers and love will be with your family during this time.
What does the future hold?
Today is Tuesday and it's my day off! Yay! I woke up at 7 to go eat breakfast with Lindsey, Ken, Lori and Danielle. My friend Renee owns a little coffee shop here in town called the garden cafe and it's here in the fort right near my house. They have amazing stuff. L-money and I stayed after everyone else because they had to go to work. We hung out on this cool porch swing and talked about future plans. Unlike me Lori is at the cross roads needing to make a decision now. Does she stay in Alaska? Go back to Kansas? What does the future hold and where is God pointing her life? It's hard enough thinking in a year I could be making those same decisions but I couldn't imagine being faced with them right now. I just try to comfort myself with knowing that something will happen, she will get some kind of a sign pointing her in the direction she should go. The nice thing about life is you can never end up where you aren't supposed to be. It just doesn't happen. Even the worst situations in the end help shape you to who you will be in the end. Sometimes you just need to sit back and let life take you where it will.
Monday, May 4, 2009
Begining of a new chapter
A lot has happened since I last wrote. I moved back to Georgia, moved into my own apartment, moved back in with my mom, started an animal rescue, adopted Sitka from myself, moved to Alaska, became Animal Control Officer, moved in with Kate, went back to Georgia to visit, attended Euthanasia training, moved in with Christa and Mark. Whew! It's been awhile but I'm hoping to keep this thing going as a kind of online journal.
Right now it's almost summer here in Haines Alaska and when you walk outside a breeze that smells like the sea greets you. The weather is warm, the sun is shinning and everyone is coming out from wherever they held up over winter. My friend Lori and I went Kayaking 4 days in a row and had a blast! Tonight we went for a walk and found a great walking trail extremely close to my house!! I'm very happy and excited :)
During the winter I had thoughts of moving back to Georgia but as summer comes I'm not sure I could ever leave this place. Is 4 amazing months of warm weather enough for a person to stay in one place forever? Don't get me wrong winter is awesome! Tons of snow means sledding, skiing, snow shoeing and snow ball fights! Who couldn't love that? But with the coming of my sisters little baby (she is 8 weeks along, due in December!) I can't help but wonder if moving back to Georgia is the right thing? I feel like it's a choice between staying in a place and living a life I love or going back to a place I'm mildly happy and being near the people I love. I don't want to be Aunt Ashley, a person this baby only knows from pictures and crazy stories told by her mom but I'm also not sure that moving back is the right choice for me....
Well I will worry about that later. I have another year to decide at least. I feel like there will be a sign telling me what is the right choice. Either way it will all work out in the end.
Right now it's almost summer here in Haines Alaska and when you walk outside a breeze that smells like the sea greets you. The weather is warm, the sun is shinning and everyone is coming out from wherever they held up over winter. My friend Lori and I went Kayaking 4 days in a row and had a blast! Tonight we went for a walk and found a great walking trail extremely close to my house!! I'm very happy and excited :)
During the winter I had thoughts of moving back to Georgia but as summer comes I'm not sure I could ever leave this place. Is 4 amazing months of warm weather enough for a person to stay in one place forever? Don't get me wrong winter is awesome! Tons of snow means sledding, skiing, snow shoeing and snow ball fights! Who couldn't love that? But with the coming of my sisters little baby (she is 8 weeks along, due in December!) I can't help but wonder if moving back to Georgia is the right thing? I feel like it's a choice between staying in a place and living a life I love or going back to a place I'm mildly happy and being near the people I love. I don't want to be Aunt Ashley, a person this baby only knows from pictures and crazy stories told by her mom but I'm also not sure that moving back is the right choice for me....
Well I will worry about that later. I have another year to decide at least. I feel like there will be a sign telling me what is the right choice. Either way it will all work out in the end.
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