Pieces of me

I think I got asked a million times last night by a million different people if I was "ok".....

How do I answer that?

Do I tell them what they want to hear....

Yea, I was just tired

or the truth......

I haven't been ok since Wednesday.

Who can handle the truth? More importantly though, Who can I trust with the truth?

Who won't think I'm crazy when I tell them I had to leave, I couldn't pretend to be ok one more minute, I couldn't fake one more smile, one more laugh, one more "yea this is great". Who can I tell that I needed to just fall apart in order to put myself back together?

Who would understand?

No one but him.

I think that's why I got into my car with the determination to go home but instead I headed out the highway in a blur. I drove 22 miles before I realized I wasn't in town any more and another 11 before I realized why I was taking myself out here.

But I couldn't bring myself to knock. To show up a wreck, searching for some kind of answer that I knew he couldn't provide. So instead I did a U-turn and drove myself home.

I think I just needed to remind myself I wasn't alone in this, that his heart knew this kind of pain long before mine did, that I did this to protect him from it any longer.

So I guess if the question of the day is...am I ok?

The answer to that is, yes.

Just be careful with me, I'm hurting and raw. I'm still picking up the pieces of me. I'm still learning how to cope, just be nice to me for a little while, I need you more now than ever.